Evening out the playing field...

Hey Readers!

I had a moment yesterday that has resulted in utter turmoil! I went into a hot tub with a few of my friends and realized I could not tell Gladys from Jiles and vice versa! I am slightly concerned!!!! Their respective breasts are about the same size now...

More updates to follow...
I'm hoping they don't have a case of DID, for all of you psych majors out there...

-The very confused and bewildered Miss

Hello, there! Long time, no write. :(

This will be a short blog, but I just wanted to send you all to a hilarious site. Many of you have probably seen it before. You have to read the February 2nd entry and listen to the audio.

http://sleeptalkinman.blogspot.com/

Breast well!
The Miss

Padiddle my Nipple

Hey, All!

Just a little note to say, "Hi!" I have been busy with schoolwork lately (big shocker).

Fact (not fiction![inside joke to a few of you out there!]) of the day: An inverted nipple/nipple retraction can be caused by trauma. http://www.wrongdiagnosis.com/symptoms/inverted_nipple_nipple_retraction/causes.htm
p.s. I feel like my independent study is traumatic. Should I drop it on the grounds that I could get an inverted nipple?

And in closing, here is a phrase my housemate came up with:
Breast well!
-The Miss

iPad

...so I had to sneak on here before the Miss puts us all to bed and tell you what one of her good friends told her today.
She mentioned that the new iPad is a horrible invention- it sounds like a personal sanitary napkin...
What's next? iDouche?

-Gladys
p.s. iDont...

This moment brought to you by Teen Angst...

Hello, All!

So, as the title suggests, I'm having a flashback to my teen angst years. I was flipping through the glossary of my psychology book (aka hanging out with the "boyfriend" again if you read the past posts), when I stumbled upon a gem.

A gem, mind you, that a guy I am getting over can relate to. The name of the game (or word) is "retarded ejaculation" (the game is having stupid cum? ...sorry if that was too much...). The actual definition is, "male orgasmic disorder in which ejaculation is delayed; thus, the patient is unable to reach orgasm with his partner, although he is able to ejaculate during masturbation."

I promise all of you that if I ever talk to him again, I will tell him he has retarded ejaculation (ok, clearly I would never do that).

Alright, I think I'm done with my angst for the evening. Time to stroke my lover's spine (aka fondle the spine of my psych book).

-The Miss
p.s. To be clear, I never had sex with this man (he only told me about his "issue")... much to Gladys' dismay...

I love you...

Hello, Readers!

Please do not think me mean/horrible for posting this.
Make sure to watch it all the way to the end.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sO_KILnJdHw

-Jiles

A Formal Apology

Dear Readers,
I would like to offer a formal apology for the Miss' last blog. I hope you all understand that she was writing about her relationship with her homework. The poor woman...all she does is read and write and eat an occasional Little Debbie (and I know that any of you who know her know that remark about an "occasional" Little Debbie was kind).

I suppose if all it takes for her to find a little glimmer or shard of hope in life is to make up a pretend man to share it with, well I really cannot fault her.

Call it the English romantic in me (for that is part of my lineage!), but methinks a quote from ye olde family friend William Shakespeare is appropriate at this sad hour:
"Love goes toward love, as schoolboys from their books; but love from love, toward school with heavy looks."

William really did know about the realm of love. I enjoy that he is saying that a lover goes to their beloved as eagerly as a schoolboy leaves his books. Right now the Miss' love is directed towards her books (as well as Gladys and I!). But I don't mind not having a man around at the moment-- let's face it, comrades-- generally they are better in literature anyway.

With profound respect and English sentiments,
Jiles

A +

So, I just have to tell you all something!!! I think I met someone!
Here's the scoop:
His work life is extremely important to him, but he also is somewhat of a homebody. Every day he challenges me in some new way, and we generally spend hours on end together. He is incredibly stimulating... He teaches me something new each time we are around each other, which gives me a strong sense of satisfaction during and after each encounter. We've gotten into this strange habit of me writing on him, which is kind of kinky if you ask me. I also like to spend hours pouring over his thick body to read what's written all over him (he's one of those guys who's really into getting inked with words/famous phrases).

I hope I will be sharing more about him in the days to follow.
With her head on cloud nine,
The Miss

Feeling up my Face

Hi, there!
It's been a bit of a crazy day. If you've ever attempted to read "Huckleberry Finn" in one day, you know what I'm talking about.

Thought I'd let you all know that I thoroughly inspected my body for third nipples today... and I'd rather not share the results. [Just kidding! I'm sure if I had one, Gladys would have them burned off of me so no man would ever see them!] I have a lot of "beauty marks" on my face and am starting to freak out that one day they will swell up and reveal themselves as breasticles.

Please check this out:
http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20091121082055AAEjOcH

And here is why:
1. The comment by Nick
2. The comment by Mozy
I almost laughed so hard I cried because of #2. I know, I know, it might have been mean to laugh at it, but I was shocked that someone would actually write that.

p.s. Teachwig says that the left breast is usually larger on women. Let's just say that Jiles is on the breast that got both the brains and brawn out of two of them, and he is a righty...

Ug, off to studying :(
-The Miss

Third Eye Blind

Readers,
I suppose I have been feeling quite vocal lately. I know I've sent you to a lot of links, but this is stuff you have to see. And if you are judging these links because they are from Wikipedia, the Miss says that she does, too.

1. Apparently third nipples happen to 1 out of every 18 humans... and to Carrie Underwood. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supernumerary_nipple

2. In extremely rare cases, extra breasts may appear ectopically on the neck, face, upper arm, shoulder, back, buttock, hip, vulva, perineum, thigh, or even foot. While the location of this tissue is established during embryonic development, it may not become apparent or troublesome until puberty or lactation. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Accessory_breast

3. The Miss may or may not have a small lump of fatty tissue on the lower part of her leg and may or may not be freaking out that it is an "accessory breast" (as wikipedia puts it).

4. While reading the last sentence of #2 (specifically the last word), the Miss proclaimed, "Well fuck having kids slash breastfeeding."

Put that in your pipe and take a long, hard drag.
-Gladys, the mischievous areola residing proudly on breast 2 of 2.

Overstock.com

Why, hello there, readers!!!

Just a quick thought for tonight to keep with the apparent theme of the week:
"Overstock.com--it's all about the O." I think I like the proprietors of Overstock.com because their tagline basically says, "We're perverted and it's ok!"

Also, OH MY GOD!!!! I ran into some info today that you need to read:
"It is not unheard of for some women to lose consciousness briefly at the point of orgasm - the stimulation becomes overwhelming, and consciousness flees for a moment... Typically after you’ve gotten so excited that your blood pressure and pulse rate have escalated dramatically, you start to feel a tightening of your muscles in your vagina as well as heaviness. As the sensations increase, your body will tense until you feel an explosive release within your body. Some women lose consciousness for a few minutes; others see a thousand stars exploded around there. Each orgasmic experience is unique!" (*courtesy of http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview/id/86134.html)

I would love to hear your thoughts on this. If the Miss ever loses consciousness while having the big Overstock.com (if you know what I'm saying...), then I will be shocked.

Shocked at her having contact with a man, that is.

Ta,
Gladys

Encouraging Seals

Hello Readers!

I am sitting in a room with the Miss' house mates and a few other friends who are telling the Miss about cycling tonight. She didn't get to go because we had a poetry reading to attend (*snaps for poetry readers and writers!).

One of the ladies discussed her breasts, so naturally I thought all of you would like to hear. She said that during cycling her boobs were like two seals slapping their slippery fins together; essentially, her breasts gave her a round of applause while she was on the bike.

Maybe Gladys and I should show the Miss the same sort of encouragement so she will continue to workout and hopefully find a man sometime...

Respectfully,
Jiles

Origamying Orgasmatasms

Dear Readers (specifically other females),
If you have never had a VO, I suppose you should:
a)find a new man
b)if you like the man you are with, buy a "prop" and take care of your VOs on your own time
c)if you're The Miss, I suggest simply finding a man. Preferably ethnic.

Exclusively yours,
Gladys

Apathy and Orgasms

Hey all...
As the header suggests, I'm feeling slightly apathetic today.

However, I have a friend who has a blog, and I think you all need to check out her post from Jan. 20th. http://lucysaysso.blogspot.com/
It is all about the female orgasm, and she and I have had numerous conversations about this. If you have had a VO, I want to know, so put it in the comments (and be proud of it!!).

-The Miss, who misses not having homework.

Traveling the inches of my areolae

...yeah...
We're on the 4 inch side of things.
What is the cup size, you ask?
a B cup.

Is this normal?

-The Miss

Just needed to share this with you.

I know this makes our fourth post of the day, but you need to go to this link:

(and after taking a cycling class with the Miss, this makes me nervous!)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jogger's_nipple

-Gladys
p.s. My favorite part of this article is the first bullet point under "Prevention."
;)

Sensitive about my size...

Ok, so when I started this blog, I never thought about telling all of you the size of my areolae. And honestly, I still might not.

However, sometimes I am a little sensitive about the size of Jiles and Gladys. I was reading along with Jiles on the site he mentioned today, and it said that some women's areolae can reach up to 4 inches in diameter, with the average size being 1.2 inches. I am going to see how I add up tonight, and will most likely report back.

-The Miss

To Enlighten our Readers!

Hello, there!
I got the definition of areola on-line today and thought I would share it with you.

"In anatomy, the term areola, plural areolae, (diminutive of Latin area, "open place") is used to describe any circular area such as the colored skin surrounding the nipple. While it is most commonly used to describe the pigmented area around the human nipple (areola mammae), it can also be used to describe other small circular areas such as the inflamed region surrounding a pimple."
(this information was found on absoluteastronomy.com)

I do not like being compared to a pimple.

Ta,
Jiles

No there is not a draft in here... I'm just happy to see you!

...so I figured that if someone ever asked me if it was cold, I would say what I titled this blog.

That is all!
-Gladys

Rubbing Areolae with Matt Damon

Well, the title of this particular blog stands. Jiles and I just rubbed areolae with Matt Damon...

Ok, so maybe it was during a freeze frame of Matt Damon's chest while viewing "The Bourne Supremacy," but I still got an electric type of thrill out of it. ...and by electric thrill, I mean shock [just kidding, we didn't get shocked!].

And now the movie happens to be paused again, and there is a really intense lady staring Jiles and me down like we are the last dab of barbecue sauce on a chicken drumstick. This could get interesting.

I must go to investigate!
Love to all,
Gladys

I Think my Areolae just Winked at You...

Hello!

Well, seeing as Jiles already shared the news of going to teach in China this summer, I figured I'd share a humorous story about my lopsided breasticles.

I was with a house mate the other day, and apologized for having a raging case of THO. She said, "Oh really? I hadn't noticed them." To which I replied, "Oh really? Because they noticed you!!!"

Hope you are all having a nice weekend!
-The Miss (who is feeling much better!)

Areolae in China!

Well, it is official! Gladys and I are going with the Miss to China this summer, and we could not be more excited!!!

...and maybe I'll get to "rub heads" with some intellectuals while I'm there, like Gladys alluded to earlier.

Your happy areola,
Jiles

In Bed with Jiles and Gladys

Hello, All!

I have been miserably sick today. As my Grams says, I have "been having an important meeting with the white porcelain god all day," a.k.a. the toilet.

Meanwhile, Gladys and Jiles have been quite nice today. I didn't restrict them with a bra, and they behaved for once. In fact, while I was lying down, Jiles went off to the right of my body, and Gladys to the left. It was such a change from having them constantly talking and scheming together. Don't tell them I wrote this (they can't see it because they are under my Cuddle Duds shirt), but most of the time I like their back and forth banter. They truly are good, entertaining, little (well, actually rather large, I think...) areolae.

Hope to write to you more when I'm feeling well.
-The Miss

The Bobbling Adventures of Gladys and Jiles...

Jiles and Gladys have been trying to find me a man [but of course you know that from Gladys' animated post earlier]. I have a feeling this is going to be an on-going thing. And not that I mind that much-- but they really need to choose better men.

For example, the major areolae escapade of the day was when we went to ye olde YMCA this evening. Cycling was more of a success tonight; we had a different instructor who showed us a way to sit on the seat so our "soft tissue" wouldn't get hurt.... and you guessed it, he was male.

Instantly Gladys and Jiles perked up, bright eyed and alert. My house mates and I started peddling, and sure enough, the dream team of the areolae world kept nodding suggestively at him. About twenty minutes into the class, they were signaling to him like I was a single, drowning woman in need of a suave biker to ride over an pull me out of a pool of sweat. They might as well have told me to open my mouth and scream, "COME HITHER!!!" to the poor man. I admit that at first I questioned his sexuality, but his smile, humor, and tiny biking shorts soon sucked me in. He almost made me fall off of my bike laughing. Gladys had almost talked me into asking Dave [sexy instructor extraordinaire] for his number after class-- you know, in case I was looking for new biking shoes or something.

And then he moved his hands to get a different grip on his handlebars.
And then I saw the ring.

Needless to say, Gladys and Jiles wilted like dying flowers from the disappointment and the river of sweat pouring over them. I told them that the next man they target had to be single, unless it was Alec Baldwin.

Now I am tired and still hopelessly single; my only male prospect is a man who cries after watching musicals with me (which might be another story for another time...). I am going to tuck my areolae into bed now. Oh, and they wanted me to tell you all to have a goodnight.

-The Miss

Airing out your Areolae

Gladys here!

...ok, so I had to sneak on here after Jiles so I could write you all a little message. The Miss says I've been "a tad unruly" lately, with getting into that fight at the YMCA with Jiles the other day. ...and with any luck, tonight will be round 2- and I am planning to win! ;)

So my main point today is that I wish the Miss would air us out in public more often! Last weekend Jiles and I went to a local cafe with the Miss-- bra-less! It was so freeing! I was like a little bunny rabbit bounding through a field of dewy fleece! [Let's be honest, the dew came from a little under-the-areola sweat, if you know what I mean] And granted, just as Jiles alluded to our "eyes" in his post, my "eye" was a little sore, a little swollen after the trip.

So I think I have an idea I would like to bring up to the Miss; plant a little mustard seed, if you will. ;)
...Since Jiles and I like to be out and about, but our "eyes" get irritated without their "eye patch"/bra on, I think she should either just go completely topless all of the time, or she should find a man to take her top off for her. Look, all I'm saying is that it has been quite (and I mean quite!) sometime since Jiles and I have seen the light of day with anyone besides the Miss. [Jiles just reminded me of a few weeks ago when the Miss and her house mates compared their areolae sizes, but I hardly think that counts]

So what do you think? Should Jiles and I try to find a man for the Miss? I prefer the tall, dark, handsome, muscular, and occasionally ethnic type of guy. Jiles just wants another intellectual to rub areolae with.

Hope to write to you soon!
;)
Love,
Gladys, your favorite areola

Holy Breasticle; I ache!

Hello out there!

I am currently sitting in a poor excuse for a bra- my Miss referred to it as a "boob koozie," but that implies that I would be riding in both style and comfort. [ok, maybe not style, because I've never seen a stylish koozie...]

But seriously, this thing/sling is so thin and stretched out. And my "eye" is a little sensitive today. I think that the cycling class just rubbed me and Gladys raw. And we have to go with our Miss to the class tonight.

I am going to try to convince the Miss to put some lotion on me.

Your sore areola,
Jiles

Taking my Areolae to the gym...

...So I just needed to write about my experience with Gladys, Jiles, and the local YMCA. Let's just say that taking a spinning/cycling class might not have been a good idea. It now hurts to pee, and I'm not quite sure what that means.

So picture this- I'm on the bike beside four of my friends and six other strangers. We go to "sprint" and out of nowhere, Jiles smacks Gladys upside the head. I grabbed him, trying to keep him in control, but every time I let go, he hit her again. Pretty soon it became a full blown areola-on-areola, knock-down, drag-out fight.

Maybe I need to get new areolae, or maybe I should invest in a new bra.

-Miss

WELCOME!

Welcome to THE DAILY BREAST, everyone!

I'm Gladys, and for my first short blog, I simply wanted to say two words:
Vagina Dentata.

Thoughts? Comments?

-Gladys

Two Areolae and their Miss...

Hello!

Let me welcome you to our first blog! I am Jiles, our Miss' right areola. My slightly smaller sidekick is Gladys, who is never at a loss to share her opinion. Our Miss is a reflective sort, who treats us well. We are getting ready to journey overseas in a few months while she teaches. Even though we will not be able to be constantly out and about with her, Gladys and I are looking forward to getting flashes of our Miss' world.

It's a big world out there, and this areola, my sidekick, and my Miss are determined to see as much of it as possible.

Signed respectfully,
Jiles