Are you blinking, or are you just happy to see me?

This night brought to you by fever dreams. Gladys and Jiles are on hiatus. I just recently found this out myself... They have been in charge of the blog, and I see they have not done a capital job of things. So, let's you and I have a chat over the next few days. Don't forget to send a question or two to me if you like. My only interesting thought in these wee hours of the morning is found at the intersect of love and writing. As you may know, I have taken a lover! He has recently turned into a fiance. It is magical and there are constantly candelabras and rose petals everywhere, but there is the occasional moment of frustration, partially due to our star-crossed couple nature. Tonight I wrote my love an extremely long letter, but I declined to post the ledger. It is amazing to me how much better I felt after I had my say to myself. That is partially why I decided to check up on the blog tonight. I hope you will ride along with me on the road to catharsis. Roads are always nicer to travel when you have company. You are always less likely to fall asleep. ;) Yours truly, The Miss

'ello friends

Dear Readers,

A big 'ELLO to all of you out there.
...and if you are there, I'd like to invite you to leave a comment asking any kind of question.

;)
Delightfully yours,
Jiles

Misconceptions and Misunderstandings

Hey, All!

Having a bit of a rough day to my night. A few recent friendships have fallen through and I need to have an uncharacteristic blog about it. Any words from readers would be helpful.

I was having bf problems and my friends finally told me that they couldn't support me and apparently this has also led to the downfall of our friendship. Aren't friends supposed to be your friends through the tough times? I understand if they choose not to support my relationship, but shouldn't we still be on speaking terms? I don't know. I feel a tad discouraged and think that it wasn't worth being friends with them in the first place.

Also, I legitimately feel that my bf and I worked everything out. I am much happier and today we talked longer and deeper than we have in months.

Yours cordially,
The Missing Miss

Droopy Nips Turning Upwards :)

Hey, Readers!

The three of us have taken over a year off, for which we apologize. Gladys, Jiles, and the Miss are back and bigger and better than ever!

We've found the love of our life, made it through a collegiate education, and are currently running a small business. In the coming days, Gladys will be sharing her encounters with the hottest UPS man to hit America and Jiles will inform you of what it is like to get over his attachment issues with the Miss and let her lead a happy life with the man we've all been dating for the last year.

As for me...well, I'll be updating you on the woes of the heart that I've recently experienced, with a hopeful and funny twist. ;)

Yours truly,
The Miss :)

Evening out the playing field...

Hey Readers!

I had a moment yesterday that has resulted in utter turmoil! I went into a hot tub with a few of my friends and realized I could not tell Gladys from Jiles and vice versa! I am slightly concerned!!!! Their respective breasts are about the same size now...

More updates to follow...
I'm hoping they don't have a case of DID, for all of you psych majors out there...

-The very confused and bewildered Miss

Hello, there! Long time, no write. :(

This will be a short blog, but I just wanted to send you all to a hilarious site. Many of you have probably seen it before. You have to read the February 2nd entry and listen to the audio.

http://sleeptalkinman.blogspot.com/

Breast well!
The Miss

Padiddle my Nipple

Hey, All!

Just a little note to say, "Hi!" I have been busy with schoolwork lately (big shocker).

Fact (not fiction![inside joke to a few of you out there!]) of the day: An inverted nipple/nipple retraction can be caused by trauma. http://www.wrongdiagnosis.com/symptoms/inverted_nipple_nipple_retraction/causes.htm
p.s. I feel like my independent study is traumatic. Should I drop it on the grounds that I could get an inverted nipple?

And in closing, here is a phrase my housemate came up with:
Breast well!
-The Miss

iPad

...so I had to sneak on here before the Miss puts us all to bed and tell you what one of her good friends told her today.
She mentioned that the new iPad is a horrible invention- it sounds like a personal sanitary napkin...
What's next? iDouche?

-Gladys
p.s. iDont...

This moment brought to you by Teen Angst...

Hello, All!

So, as the title suggests, I'm having a flashback to my teen angst years. I was flipping through the glossary of my psychology book (aka hanging out with the "boyfriend" again if you read the past posts), when I stumbled upon a gem.

A gem, mind you, that a guy I am getting over can relate to. The name of the game (or word) is "retarded ejaculation" (the game is having stupid cum? ...sorry if that was too much...). The actual definition is, "male orgasmic disorder in which ejaculation is delayed; thus, the patient is unable to reach orgasm with his partner, although he is able to ejaculate during masturbation."

I promise all of you that if I ever talk to him again, I will tell him he has retarded ejaculation (ok, clearly I would never do that).

Alright, I think I'm done with my angst for the evening. Time to stroke my lover's spine (aka fondle the spine of my psych book).

-The Miss
p.s. To be clear, I never had sex with this man (he only told me about his "issue")... much to Gladys' dismay...

I love you...

Hello, Readers!

Please do not think me mean/horrible for posting this.
Make sure to watch it all the way to the end.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sO_KILnJdHw

-Jiles

A Formal Apology

Dear Readers,
I would like to offer a formal apology for the Miss' last blog. I hope you all understand that she was writing about her relationship with her homework. The poor woman...all she does is read and write and eat an occasional Little Debbie (and I know that any of you who know her know that remark about an "occasional" Little Debbie was kind).

I suppose if all it takes for her to find a little glimmer or shard of hope in life is to make up a pretend man to share it with, well I really cannot fault her.

Call it the English romantic in me (for that is part of my lineage!), but methinks a quote from ye olde family friend William Shakespeare is appropriate at this sad hour:
"Love goes toward love, as schoolboys from their books; but love from love, toward school with heavy looks."

William really did know about the realm of love. I enjoy that he is saying that a lover goes to their beloved as eagerly as a schoolboy leaves his books. Right now the Miss' love is directed towards her books (as well as Gladys and I!). But I don't mind not having a man around at the moment-- let's face it, comrades-- generally they are better in literature anyway.

With profound respect and English sentiments,
Jiles

A +

So, I just have to tell you all something!!! I think I met someone!
Here's the scoop:
His work life is extremely important to him, but he also is somewhat of a homebody. Every day he challenges me in some new way, and we generally spend hours on end together. He is incredibly stimulating... He teaches me something new each time we are around each other, which gives me a strong sense of satisfaction during and after each encounter. We've gotten into this strange habit of me writing on him, which is kind of kinky if you ask me. I also like to spend hours pouring over his thick body to read what's written all over him (he's one of those guys who's really into getting inked with words/famous phrases).

I hope I will be sharing more about him in the days to follow.
With her head on cloud nine,
The Miss

Feeling up my Face

Hi, there!
It's been a bit of a crazy day. If you've ever attempted to read "Huckleberry Finn" in one day, you know what I'm talking about.

Thought I'd let you all know that I thoroughly inspected my body for third nipples today... and I'd rather not share the results. [Just kidding! I'm sure if I had one, Gladys would have them burned off of me so no man would ever see them!] I have a lot of "beauty marks" on my face and am starting to freak out that one day they will swell up and reveal themselves as breasticles.

Please check this out:
http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20091121082055AAEjOcH

And here is why:
1. The comment by Nick
2. The comment by Mozy
I almost laughed so hard I cried because of #2. I know, I know, it might have been mean to laugh at it, but I was shocked that someone would actually write that.

p.s. Teachwig says that the left breast is usually larger on women. Let's just say that Jiles is on the breast that got both the brains and brawn out of two of them, and he is a righty...

Ug, off to studying :(
-The Miss

Third Eye Blind

Readers,
I suppose I have been feeling quite vocal lately. I know I've sent you to a lot of links, but this is stuff you have to see. And if you are judging these links because they are from Wikipedia, the Miss says that she does, too.

1. Apparently third nipples happen to 1 out of every 18 humans... and to Carrie Underwood. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supernumerary_nipple

2. In extremely rare cases, extra breasts may appear ectopically on the neck, face, upper arm, shoulder, back, buttock, hip, vulva, perineum, thigh, or even foot. While the location of this tissue is established during embryonic development, it may not become apparent or troublesome until puberty or lactation. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Accessory_breast

3. The Miss may or may not have a small lump of fatty tissue on the lower part of her leg and may or may not be freaking out that it is an "accessory breast" (as wikipedia puts it).

4. While reading the last sentence of #2 (specifically the last word), the Miss proclaimed, "Well fuck having kids slash breastfeeding."

Put that in your pipe and take a long, hard drag.
-Gladys, the mischievous areola residing proudly on breast 2 of 2.

Overstock.com

Why, hello there, readers!!!

Just a quick thought for tonight to keep with the apparent theme of the week:
"Overstock.com--it's all about the O." I think I like the proprietors of Overstock.com because their tagline basically says, "We're perverted and it's ok!"

Also, OH MY GOD!!!! I ran into some info today that you need to read:
"It is not unheard of for some women to lose consciousness briefly at the point of orgasm - the stimulation becomes overwhelming, and consciousness flees for a moment... Typically after you’ve gotten so excited that your blood pressure and pulse rate have escalated dramatically, you start to feel a tightening of your muscles in your vagina as well as heaviness. As the sensations increase, your body will tense until you feel an explosive release within your body. Some women lose consciousness for a few minutes; others see a thousand stars exploded around there. Each orgasmic experience is unique!" (*courtesy of http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview/id/86134.html)

I would love to hear your thoughts on this. If the Miss ever loses consciousness while having the big Overstock.com (if you know what I'm saying...), then I will be shocked.

Shocked at her having contact with a man, that is.

Ta,
Gladys

Encouraging Seals

Hello Readers!

I am sitting in a room with the Miss' house mates and a few other friends who are telling the Miss about cycling tonight. She didn't get to go because we had a poetry reading to attend (*snaps for poetry readers and writers!).

One of the ladies discussed her breasts, so naturally I thought all of you would like to hear. She said that during cycling her boobs were like two seals slapping their slippery fins together; essentially, her breasts gave her a round of applause while she was on the bike.

Maybe Gladys and I should show the Miss the same sort of encouragement so she will continue to workout and hopefully find a man sometime...

Respectfully,
Jiles

Origamying Orgasmatasms

Dear Readers (specifically other females),
If you have never had a VO, I suppose you should:
a)find a new man
b)if you like the man you are with, buy a "prop" and take care of your VOs on your own time
c)if you're The Miss, I suggest simply finding a man. Preferably ethnic.

Exclusively yours,
Gladys

Apathy and Orgasms

Hey all...
As the header suggests, I'm feeling slightly apathetic today.

However, I have a friend who has a blog, and I think you all need to check out her post from Jan. 20th. http://lucysaysso.blogspot.com/
It is all about the female orgasm, and she and I have had numerous conversations about this. If you have had a VO, I want to know, so put it in the comments (and be proud of it!!).

-The Miss, who misses not having homework.

Traveling the inches of my areolae

...yeah...
We're on the 4 inch side of things.
What is the cup size, you ask?
a B cup.

Is this normal?

-The Miss

Just needed to share this with you.

I know this makes our fourth post of the day, but you need to go to this link:

(and after taking a cycling class with the Miss, this makes me nervous!)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jogger's_nipple

-Gladys
p.s. My favorite part of this article is the first bullet point under "Prevention."
;)